Are You in Balance?
“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”~~~ Thomas Merton
Yesterday, I was making some valiant attempts to do some serious writing on my novel but I kept struggling to find the right words. I seemed to be focusing too much on getting it just so, and not just letting it all flow. Something was bugging me — I wasn’t in balance.
Then, a forum I belong to for writers called http://www.bookschoolcoach.com started a neat thread where the administrators of the forum would put a short phrase, with just a few words, for the forum members to pick up and continue to write anything they wanted using that phrase as a starting point. I truly cannot explain why taking one of those phrases and writing a few paragraphs with it put me back in the groove — back in balance — but it did, and I spent the rest of the afternoon writing some good stuff. Maybe it was the give and take between me and the administrators of the forum. They gave me a few words — and I turned it around and gave them a few paragraphs to enjoy. (By the way, the phase I chose was, “It was an unexpected visit”…)
It’s sort of like that in life, too, isn’t it? One of the beautiful things about a good relationship is the give and take of energy between the two people. When all is well, the parties in a relationship share the talking and listening, the giving and receiving of support, and, for the most part, it’s an equal sharing.
Sometimes that balance will shift a little and one of the people will need to talk more — or listen more — or give more — or need more than the other. In a good relationship, the balance between the two will have a way of equalizing over time. The secret is to know when you are being asked to give more than you can.
“Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself”~~~ Jessye Norman
Have you ever had a friend, or been in a relationship where the balance was way out of whack? You know what I mean — the kind of relationship where everything is always about them and their life. You always have to listen to their problems, but they never give you the chance to talk about yours. It seems that you’re always being called upon for support and comfort, but they are rarely ever available to you when you need some of the same. This lack of balance can eventually get quite draining and unsatisfying, can’t it?
“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.”~~~ Barbara De Angelis
Not only that, but your options aren’t very simple to deal with either. You could just end the friendship — but that may leave you with feelings of guilt and the other person with feelings of abandonment. You could just let the relationship fade out on its own — relationships like that have a tendency to do that eventually. Or, you could just come out and tell your friend that you’d like to see more balance and ask for more time to share concerns equally. The risk is that you’ll really tick them off. On the other hand, they might understand and the result could be a solidly balanced friendship. If they weren’t aware of the imbalance — and they could see how important it was, they might just thank you for revealing what may have been a problem in other relationships in their life.
Another option would be to just accept things the way they are. It’s possible for a one-sided relationship to work, although it is only common in certain situations. An example would be where you are being taught by someone. Another would be where the other person is seriously ill or disabled. In those instances you will probably find yourself grateful that you are able to help.
I surely don’t know a lot about the subject of balance, other than to know when I’m not in balance. When that balance is off, for whatever reason, you’ll know it, because nothing seems to go the way it should. The best advice I can offer to you, and to myself, is to trust that balance will always, eventually even out in the long run, especially if we keep our focus on knowing when to give, and when to take.
“We come into this world head first and go out feet first; in between, it is all a matter of balance.”~~~ Paul Boese
And, as I always say in closing — remember these words …
You are the most precious gift you can give yourself. Every day look in the mirror and say, “I’m available to more good than I have experienced, realized or imagined ever before in my life!” Do this every day while you look into your own eyes.
You are special — and you are loved. You are the greatest gift you can be.
Shanti … (A sanscrit word meaning, “Let there be Peace. Peace, beautiful Peace. Peace within, Peace without. Peace in this world. Peace for all beings.”)
~~~ DBL-R
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