Although the idea for this article came from one of my favorite newsletters, I have done quite a rework of it. However, since I’ll be quoting from it to some extent — I feel as though I’d better give credit where credit is due. It’s not really a reprint, but this is where I got the idea …

Reprinted with permission from Kickstart Today by Martin Avis www.kickstartdaily.com

How many things do you do a certain way today because your mother, or a friend, or a business associate taught you to do them that way?

Do you believe that doing those things that certain way is based on true fact, or is it just second-hand information that has been passed down to you?

In his newsletter, Martin tells this story … it’s a great story and one that I’ve heard several times before …

We humans are so easy to program. Those things that we learn over the years are so often accepted as gospel. All those little behavior patterns that we use in our lives, both in business and in our personal world are, for the most part, patterns we learned from someone else — and if we were to investigate further — the person we learned them from also learned them from someone else, and so on down the line.

As Martin points out in his article, one of the old “standbys” in the business world is “The customer is always right!” But is that true? Does that still apply today? Aren’t there times when the customer is absolutely dead wrong? Wouldn’t it be better to say, “The customer you want to keep is always right”? There are some people out there who will drive you nuts with their unreasonable demands on your time and patience. You would probably not want to keep them around.

When we adopt someone else’s habit or pattern without questioning whether it makes sense, we have allowed ourselves to be programmed. We truly didn’t learn anything.

Plus, as that story about the roast points out, it wastes an awful lot of meat!

Take a look at those things that you do because you’ve always done them — or because someone else has always done them. Analyze them to see if those ways are the best ways. Is there another way to tackle the same thing that might take less effort — or less time — or less money?

It could be that the way you were taught was the best way at some time in the past, but if it isn’t the “best” way today — if there is a “better” way and you choose not to adopt a change for yourself, you’re not only stuck in a rut — you’re probably stuck in someone else’s rut.

~~~ DBL-R

Hopw often have you shied away from saying the words, “I don’t know” when you are asked a question? Did you ever stop to realize that there is a certain wisdom in not knowing?

Let’s face it — no one knows everything. There’s always room for us to learn more. There’s always room in the glass for one more drop.

Even the famous people that have mastered the areas of mathematics, literature, psychology, art and yoga don’t know everything there is to know about their area of expertise.

Only when you are able to realize that you may not know as much as people may think you know, will you be able to find room in your “glass” for one more drop. There’s a sort of “freedom” in being able to say, “I don’t know the answer to that”. Once we admit to that, we automatically open up the opportunity to learn.

Have you come across anyone in your life who was a “know-it-all” type? Were you comfortable with them? People can actually end up appearing more foolish when they act as if they know something that they don’t.

It is wise to show great respect for people who admit they don’t know something. They are expressing an honesty to you. Admitting to not knowing is when you open new doors to the unknown — when you can start a journey into new levels of understanding.

The next time you “don’t know” — don’t fake it — don’t act like you do know — just shrug and say, “I really don’t know — but I’d sure like to learn the answer!”

~~~ DBL-R

It happens that I am a true believer of the fact that we do get “signals” from some source outside of us. We sometimes refer to this as “intuition” — or we might call it the “universe” — or perhaps, “God” — or maybe “sixth sense”. The point of this article is about those “red flags” we often get in our daily lives. These sources of ours, whatever they’re called, not only try to provide for our needs, they also seek to protect us from dangerous situations, destructive relationships, and even minor inconveniences.

As we go about our business — making leadership decisions — and decisions in our personal lives — we will sense these psychic red flags trying to warn us of a potential problem. Sometimes we’re aware of them — sometimes we ignore them — sometimes they are no more than a feeling that “something isn’t right”.

These warnings are trying to get us to stop and think — to wait a moment and perhaps to reconsider an action we’re about to take. We’re not paranoid or just imagining things. If you doubt the validity of these red flags, I recommend that you look back in your life to times when you did have these warning signs. Remember whether you listened to them or not, and what the results were. You’ll usually find that the warning was valid. It is rare that these red flags are false intuition.

It is always the wisest path to pay attention to the warnings. If you find yourself with these feelings of “something being off”, recognize that as a signal that the universe is trying to tell you something. Red flags are intended with our best interests at heart. No harm can ever come from stopping long enough to heed a red flag. Take a second to look at the decision you’re about to make, keeping in mind that the universe is always looking out for you.

~~~ DBL-R

Our lives, both business and personal, can often be compared to an ongoing movie script and we’re both the scriptwriter and the director. We have the power to determine what’s working and what isn’t and can make all the edits we want. How much of what hasn’t been working in your life should land on the cutting-room floor?

I know, that sounds awful, but when you really think about it, this process of “editing” can be incredibly empowering.

As you grow in your business and personal life you have the choice — you can accept the script as it’s written, or you can edit it to make how you live more fulfilling. You have the power to cut out what hasn’t been working and keep what has. I’m not saying that this is always a simple process — on the contrary. If there are some long-term habits that are not fulfilling to you, those may be difficult to edit out. If they are truly working against you, though, putting forth the effort to remove them can be a positive step.

Editing out activities that you find stressful, disassociating yourself from people that drain your energy, and letting go of your emotional baggage are all beneficial cuts you can make. In the empty spaces that are left behind, you can add in anything you like. Just as you have the power to edit out negative situations or beliefs that you no longer wish to have as part of your life, you can now include the kinds of positive experiences, people, and beliefs that you would like to include in your life. Doing this in your business life can be an amazing test of your leadership abilities.

This “editing” of your life can take considerable effort, but the rewards are more contentment, more wisdom, and better relationships, both business and personal.

~~~ DBL-R

How many problems are you having in your life right now? There are probably at least one or two, right? Problems are a natural occurrence in every human life. There is always “something”!

The question isn’t whether people have problems, the question is how do they handle them?

Unfortunately, most people set out to deal with their problem by focusing on the problem itself. The fact is, when you focus on the problem itself, it tends to take on a life of its own. It seems as though the more you focus on it, the bigger it becomes and the solution never seems to rise to the surface and you end up with a more confusion than you expected.

On the other hand, you can’t just ignore the problem either, in the hope that it will just go away on its own. That works about as well as putting too much focus on it. You have to stay with the issue — you have to give it your full attention — but — here’s the secret — you also have to quit putting your focus on the problem itself.

Rather, what will really help you, is to turn your attention around. Turn it away from the problem, and turn it toward what you see in your life after the problem is solved to your satisfaction. Focus on how you will feel when this problem no longer exists. Let your mind imagine the best possible outcome you can think of.

Try it. You’ll see what I mean. When you put your mind on the solution to the problem, rather than the problem itself, you will find yourself behaving differently. Your belief structure will change as you see yourself living with the problem solved.

Anyone is capable of doing this. We tend to follow the crowd and focus on the problems of life — that’s what everyone seems to be doing, right? But it’s backwards — be different and focus on the best possible solutions to life’s problems, and you will see that when you really believe something will happen, the universe will move to make it happen.

~~~ DBL-R

One of the attributes that can make or break someone in their leadership role, is whether they are miserable or happy. Here’s an interesting thought … have you ever noticed just how unhappy you can get over the fact you are not happy?

Does that make sense?

Think about it — being unhappy over being unhappy is like throwing gasoline on a fire to put it out. You get lots of fire and smoke — maybe more than you bargained for — but in the end all you are left with is a pile of ashes. This is why you must understand this next amazing fact.

You can make yourself miserable but you can’t make yourself happy.

That is one of those “hard to swallow” facts, isn’t it? But most of us, when we really think about it, can admit that at times we do make ourselves miserable. There isn’t anything good about feeling bad. It just doesn’t make sense to tolerate feeling miserable, especially when we bring it on ourselves. Whatever we bring upon ourselves, we can eventually eliminate if we can understand what’s making us do that. The truth that needs to be discovered here is that if we want to find authentic happiness, we have to realize that we can’t make ourselves happy.

Outside of drugs and alcohol, which are obviously not the way to happiness, whenever you try to make yourself happy, you must put forth an effort of some kind. Putting forth an effort means you are applying force of some kind. Putting effort into something is a good thing when you are following plans for business concerns or cooking or construction projects, but putting any sort of effort into becoming happy — working at becoming happy — is steering you in the direction of unhappiness.

How could this be true, you ask? Let’s look at it, because if it is true, then that would mean that true happiness is effortless, right?

As I mentioned above, effort implies a plan, whether we know it or not. Plans are, by definition, used to build things. If you have a plan to build happiness, and you have a picture of what happiness is firmly fixed in your mind, you will meet life always looking for your picture, rather than accepting and experiencing what life has brought you. Since life will most often bring you events contrary to your picture, you’re bound to experience the pain of stress. Why? Because you’ll see that life is not meeting your picture of happiness and you’ll be experiencing a series of disappointments instead of happy adventures.

Take notice of this next statement ….

You could never be unhappy with anything you found in this life if you didn’t already have it fixed in your mind what you were looking for.

Can you see that our ideas about happiness are more often than not the very root of our unhappiness? The point is that happiness cannot be made. Happiness comes to those who understand that you can’t seek it any more than you seek the air you breathe. Happiness is a part of life that is as natural as the air you breathe. Trying to be happy will not get you any closer to true happiness than smelling freshly-baked bread will take away your hunger. When you are pursuing happiness you are undoubtedly doing so based upon the false assumption that happiness can be possessed. It cannot.

Happiness is the natural expression of a stress-free life, just as sunlight naturally warms your body. Happiness is effortless.

~~~ DBL-R

When we are going about our day-to-day business and personal lives, we are most likely interacting with others. Whenever you are interacting, you are constantly making choices about what to do with the words being said to you. If someone seems to be saying something negative to you, you may listen to their words, acknowledge them, then let them go — or — you may choose to take what they are saying personally. Taking things personally is often the result of perceiving a person’s actions or words as an affront or slight.

The thing to bear in mind is that what people say or do really has no bearing on you. If they are being negative towards you, it will usually be based on something in their own lives — their experiences, emotions or perceptions. If you take what they do or say personally, you may end up feeling hurt without reason.

One way to avoid the temptation to take a comment or action personally is to put a little space (literally and figuratively) between yourself and the other person. Take the time to check out why you feel the way you do. Are their words bringing up some deep-seated insecurity within yourself? Are you certain there was some offense intended? It also doesn’t hurt to just ask them what they meant. Oftentimes it’s nothing more than a poor choice of words.

Finally, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Instead of taking their words as the truth, or as a personal affront, remember that whatever was said or done is based on their opinion and is more reflective of what is going on inside of them, rather than having anything to do with you. You may have been an easy target for someone having a bad day, and their comments may have been offered with no ill intentions. When you recognize that what anyone says or does doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, you will no longer feel hurt or attacked. It’s up to you to influence your own value and sense of well-being.

Also, remember that this advice works both ways. Keep the quote at the beginning of this article in mind as you go about your leadership role in your daily life.

~~~ DBL-R

That statement is so true, isn’t it? How often do you feel as though you’re disconnected from the world? So often it seems like our actions have no major consequence in the scheme of things and we feel like we’re existing in our own vacuum.

Yet, the truth is that our simplest thought or action – the decisions we make each day, and how we see and relate to the world – can be incredibly significant and have a profound impact on the lives of those around us, as well as the world at large.

The earth and everything on it is bound by an invisible connection between people, animals, plants, the air, the water, and the soil. Even the smallest actions on your part, whether positive or negative, can have an impact on people and on the environment. When you are making decisions in your role as a leader it can be a real help to you if can stay conscious of your interconnection with all things.

An example that often helps me to keep my place in the world in perspective is to think about the effect of a purchase of a wooden table or chair. The wood was once part of a tree which was part of a forest. A person was paid to fell the tree, another to cut the wood, and yet another to build the table or chair. Their income may have had a positive effect on their families, just as the loss of the tree may have had a negative impact on the forest or the animals that made that tree their home.

Or, if you give an encouraging word to a young child about their special talent you could influence them to develop their gift so that one day their inventions could change the lives of millions. A poem written “merely” to express oneself can make a stranger reading it online from thousands of miles away feel less alone because there is someone else out there who feels exactly the way they do.

Staying aware of our connection to all things can help you when you’re making decisions or giving advice to those who look to you for leadership.

~~~ DBL-R

It’s not always a simple process because in each of us there are numerous voices that can compete for our attention. Deciding which one to listen to can be troublesome especially when the messages may be quite different and often conflicting. Every time you find yourself in one of those, “Should I or shouldn’t I?” inner conflicts, you’re in the process of hearing at least two conflicting voices.

It may be hard to believe, but only one of those voices is the speaker of truth. Among all your inner voices, your true inner voice is the one which encourages you, gives you hope, and pushes you to trust and believe in yourself and your abilities. What often happens, though, is that the voice that’s telling you that you can’t do something, or shouldn’t do something, speaks so loudly that it drowns out your true inner voice, the voice of truth. Listening to your true inner voice – often the voice of understanding, support, and self-assurance – can help lessen and even resolve internal conflict.

As you move along your path of leadership success there may be times when you sense that your ability to reach your goals may be wavering. It is at these time when listening to your true inner voice is vital.

But, the question I can hear you asking is, “How do I connect with that voice?”

One thing that has helped me is meditation. While you’re meditating you might hear many voices, but the one you should pay attention to is the one that speaks to you with love, understanding, and compassion. It will bolster your spirits and urge you to go after your dreams. And it will never cause confusion, remind you of past mistakes, or cause you to doubt yourself.

Once you learn to recognize that true inner voice, and you listen to the messages it gives you about your value and your true potential, the stronger that voice will become. Likewise, the more you ignore those voices that say you can’t succeed, or you don’t have what it takes to make it, the quieter they will become. Learn to say no to the voices that are judgmental or make you feel unworthy of success, and you will find that you’ll become more positive and less critical of yourself.

Follow the voice of truth.

~~~ DBL-R

Just the same, I really believe that there are many times when knowing less about the future, the world and our situations in general, can be beneficial. Sometimes it’s a good thing to be blissfully ignorant.

That statement doesn’t mean that you should ignore vital information or that you should just go crawl into a hole somewhere and shut out the world. However, if certain knowledge could have a negative impact on your life, then it may be wise to walk away without knowing about it. If the information is going to hold you back, overwhelm you, or cause you agony, it’s not necessary to expose yourself to it.

For example, think about how it would be if you were working hard to pursue a certain goal. If you had knowledge of all the possible ways you could fail, couldn’t this tend to make you reconsider and not even try? Maybe it would, and maybe it wouldn’t, but it seems that going after the goal would be easier if you didn’t have all those negative possibilities in mind. It is often easier to move forward if you’re not thinking about all the ways you could fail.

Ignorance can also be bliss when you are facing hardships. If circumstances force you to take on a job you dislike, you may enter your new situation with unpleasant and preconceived notions that can likely create the very circumstances you are dreading. Experiencing a situation with no expectations and no advanced notions can allow you to experience it as new, because your blissful ignorance prevented you from having any preset ideas.

If having too much information is going to work against you or isn’t going to help you in some way, then there’s nothing wrong in avoiding it. When information is emotionally draining, or slows down your progress, or causes distress, and it isn’t necessary to your experience, consider letting it pass you by. Remember the bliss of ignorance can sometimes be a gift.

~~~ DBL-R